parenting · Vicki's Ramblings

A Clarifying Post Today

So the other day I wrote a post about what is going on Around here.

In that post, I wrote that I thought that the Duggars had some parenting method I agreed with.  The idea that they have the older care for the younger kids.  Now- truthfully, I had never really watched the show that I can recall.  May have been once a long time ago.  I just see their faces everywhere- in the dumb tabloids in the grocery store check out aisles, on the Yahoo home page..  You get the picture.  I see articles here and there on fb or wherever.  Sometimes I click and read them other times not.

This past week I heard a few times about how the Duggars raise their kids.  The older kids take care of the younger, specifically.  In my post I had said that I agreed with the way the Duggars were doing things in their home.

I should have done some research.

I have learned that their sort of having the older kids take care of the younger does not match what I think of.  Apparently, the older kids are completely in charge of the care of the younger children.  COMPLETELY.  Picking out clothing, feeding, homeschooling, you name it.

That I am not ok with.  A friend pointed out that what we do as a family is work as a team with a common goal of working together.  That is my personal goal.  I want to work myself out of a job- but not before my youngest are ready for that!  I am in charge of my younger kids.  It is my job to raise MY children.  Not theirs.  Its my job to homeschool them, to train them to teach them.  I will answer to God for what I do as a parent to raise my children well.  Not my older kids.

My older kids help with the care of the younger kids, yes.  Its a part of being a family.  We work together- hopefully- not against.  (as I did when I was a bratty little girl and thought I could raise my baby brother better than my mom did.  She had done it a few times before, but I was certain I knew much better than she!  She just smiled that knowing Mom smile, allowed me a little freedom in this and guess what??!!  She, again, was right.  She did actually know what she was doing!! -shocker!! )

By the way, I have now watched an episode of the Duggars and I know why I don’t watch the show.  Let’s just say, our family works like that some, but well…..  One episode will be enough for me.  They have a very nice family.  That’s all I will say about that.

My friend put it best when she commented on my fb page: “Sometimes shows such as this put a yoke on others and only serve a something to which causes comparison. This is not love, but pride.”

Thanks, Friend.  I appreciate your thoughtful comments.  You put into words, what I could not.  We certainly battle against comparison as Mothers of Many, don’t we??  I do not want to ever put a yoke on someone else, and if I have, I apologize.  It was never my intention!

Which is a quick point I want to make:  I am not you.  You are not me.  We have struggles that are unique to us.  I may have many kids.  You may not. You may not have any kids.  That is perfectly fine with me.  Again.  I am not you.  You are not me.  It’s okay.  It is not a contest.

I bless you to be all that GOD has created you to be.  I bless your choices to live the way you want to live- with kids or without.  With a husband or without.   I bless you to live in peace with yourself and God with the choices you have made, or will make.

Blessings,

vicki

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2 thoughts on “A Clarifying Post Today

  1. Okay, I’m weighing in; keep in mind that I’m an only child and I have only two children! But I’ve seen the “older child raising the younger child” situation, and I’ve never quite understood it. When I was a sophomore in college, a commuter student (my age) came into class one day exhausted. When asked why, he said he was up all night with the baby. Not his baby but his parents’ youngest child, his youngest sibling. I thought that was bizarre. I mean, he’s a college student, needing to keep an academic scholarship (an all A average), there were other siblings in between the two (who didn’t have college scholarships on the line) and his parents made him stay up ALL NIGHT with an infant that he did not father and he had no say in its existence. That didn’t make sense to me.

    Working as a team makes sense. Helping out with the infant during normal non-sleeping, non-study related hours makes sense. But this didn’t seem like teamwork or voluntary helping out. It seemed strange. As an only child, I was never in that situation, so maybe I simply cannot understand. 🙂

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  2. I am with you- I would never, unless I was completely exhausted and my hubby could not do it, ask my kids to be up all night with MY baby. I don’t understand that view at all. You are understanding correctly in my opinion. Thanks for your comments!

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