This is hard….
Parenting. This gig is tough sometimes.
I had several kids under the age of 10 and that was tough. I had several teen agers in various stages of angst and that was hard. There was, of course, toddlers and pre schoolers at the same time in my house.
That was really hard.
What wasn’t trying to make me crazy physically, was trying to make me crazy mentally.
While I had little ones, lots of little ones, people would look at me sweetly and say, “It will get easier”…..
I am not sure when that will happen.
It might be physically easier, but certainly not mentally.
Letting go and letting them figure things out for themselves is not easy.
Letting go and watching them do what they want, knowing what I taught them was not that, is certainly not easy.
All of it is hard mentally now.
But I have to let go. I have released them into what God has for them. I have to release them daily sometimes. Hourly.
This is most definitely harder than sleepless nights and cleaning up puke at all hours. Now, instead of cleaning up puke, I spend the nights worrying. Mental puke is still puke.
Just a little bit more difficult to clean up. Take every thought captive is not easy sometimes.
Tonight I heard a testimony that smacked me right in the face.
I know this. I have said, “God got a hold of me and He will get a hold of them for sure.”
This guy lived in Harlem and started selling drugs and bribing bad cops in his neighborhood at 13-14. As an adult, he had a store and was selling drugs and doing drugs every day sitting by the door of his store. He had women. He had drugs. He had money.
He said he didn’t need God, God was for wimps.
One day a hit man came to see him. He wanted to partner with him to train up young men to become assassins. They would become rich.
Just previous to this, the man chased out 2 young girls from his store for telling him that Jesus Loved him. Another guy came in and told him that he would be preaching the gospel.
So when this hit man came to talk to him, he said in his head, “I don’t know if you are real God, but if you are, I need your help.” (Something to that effect)
Suddenly, he KNEW that God was real and he told that Assassin, whose gun was right there on his thigh in full view of the man, “I am giving my life to Jesus and I will NOT be partnering with you.”
He never saw that guy again. He went to church soon after and came to know Jesus for himself and is now preaching the gospel in his neighborhood.
I heard this testimony and I knew it was just for me to hear.
I love my kids. I want the best for them. I want them to do things right and have amazing and healthy relationships and build their own families and find their own way.
But I have to let them do it the way that they need to go.
If God can get a hold of a womanizing, drug dealer, gang leader who was about to partner with an assassin to train up young assassins, and me, a life full of poor choices and mistakes. Then He can certainly get a hold of them too.
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