family history · Get it Together

Snow Day = Project Day

Snow Day = Project Day = true confessions of a worn out momma…. Read through to the end.. Or skip to the end. Whichever you prefer.

Another snow day. I believe it is the 4th or 5th one since they have started school.

I haven’t updated anyone on that yet, but yes. I sent these last 3 off to school. Youngest Daughter right after Christmas break, the boys at semester. I will go into my reasons for that in another post.

So far, I don’t think the boys have had a full week. It really has been a crazy February around here. Right now, we have about 6 inches on the ground, probably a bit more, on top of solid ice. All of my back driveway and most of my yard is covered in that ice. We got that last week. We could have salted some of it, but that is a lot of driveway and quite honestly, if they had skates that fit, they would be skating on it as they have done in years past.

But they are now teens. Teens don’t do childish things like that anymore……….

sigh….

It seems they don’t even go outside unless they have to help with moving snow or doing chores. I miss the days when they would go outside and get all snowy and wet and come in and fill my sunroom with wet, snowy, cold, sometimes muddy, winter gear!!!

I am pretty nostalgic today.

My project today was getting my closet “Konmari ‘d”. It has been on my list for some time and in there I found some things that made me a little nostalgic.

From the early 90’s I have 2 sweatshirts that I made with my day care kids. They are filled with names, some of which I can’t recall faces to. So many memories from those days.

I have a sweatshirt my Grandma made for me for one of my pregnancies. It’s tacky and funny, but she made it for me. She has been gone for over 17 years now.

I have a costume Son #4 wore in a dance recital. He was the only boy and quite in demand back then! But he loved to dance and be on stage, still does. Reminded me of how little he was….. So. Darn. Cute.

I found a pile of cards and notes and someone’s baby teeth. Does anyone else keep their kids’ baby teeth?? I used to keep them sometimes on my window sill- my kids would put them there in hopes that their “Tooth Fairy” would remember to leave them something. Sometimes she did. Most times she was a slacker!!

But the one thing that really got me and made me want to write this blog post, was this;

Adorable, isn’t it??

I LOVED it!! Especially because Son #1 and his Grandmother bought it for me at a rummage sale for my birthday. He had picked it out and was so excited to give it to me.

It brings tears to my eyes as I write this…..

I didn’t receive it well.

Soon after I got it, I hadn’t even put it someplace special yet, I got mad. Really mad. I don’t know what it was about, it doesn’t matter. I got mad about a lot of things.

I was not good about self care. I had a whole house full of kids and a dog. A husband who was always working at work or on some project. I homeschooled that houseful of kids and was likely pregnant again. Or nursing a baby. I probably hadn’t had a full night sleep in a few days either.

I could give you a whole list of excuses. I mean, “reasons”.

But…

I blew it.

I lost it. I grabbed the first thing near me and slammed it on the table. It happened to be this. Of course, it broke. You can see the pieces that broke off and some had been reglued but fell off again. As soon as I did it, I totally stopped. I saw the look on my sons face and then I really lost it.

I balled. He cried. I cried.

I’m crying even now writing this……

I felt awful. I broke the special present my son had given me, paid for with his very own, very precious money. I apologized profusely. But some times apologies just don’t work very well.

Broken hearts take a lot more than apologies to heal.

I did glue what I could back together. Over the years those parts have fallen off and been lost. I couldn’t find Noah with it now and I thought there had been a few more animals with it.

I tried to glue that broken heart back together.

I kept it all these years as a reminder. I have not always done well, even with this reminder, but it was sort of my push to get better. It has taken a long time. That sweet little boy is now a rather large man. Still has the most precious heart.

Sometimes life is really hard. It just is.

This is a hard story to share. But I felt like I had to share this one. I have to forgive myself for making mistakes. I pray my Son has forgiven me for this particular mistake too….

Blessings,

Vicki

Advertisements

10 thoughts on “Snow Day = Project Day

  1. ❤ I appreciate your honesty and openness! I worry sometimes about how my actions can affect my son. It’s hard to remember that we are just normal people with our own feelings too. And it’s ok. Its sometimes hard to be the person that everyone looks up to so admiringly and be what they always expect. All us mums feel the same way ❤

    Like

  2. I’m sure he has long since forgiven you. Big hugs to you Momma. It’s so hard to be a mom. Everyone around you just assumes you have it all figured out. I’ve gotten angry so very angry just like you. Mad about something now insignificant. I try hard to not let it get that way but we are all human and we all make mistakes

    Like

  3. Wow, one of your most honest and beautifully written blogs. I think that if every Mom is honest they have to admit they have been there many times. I know I have Love you

    Like

  4. Oh, the things we do when we’re stressed out, tired and just done. Been there, done that!! Proud of you for tackling the closet. I need to, but playing on the computer wins almost every time!! Thanks for this beautiful post!!

    Like

  5. All moms make mistakes, some small and some big, and all moms have been known to lose their temper (even the ones who pretend to be perfect). What differentiates good moms from the not-so-good ones is acknowledging those mistakes, atoning for any pain that they may have caused, and striving to do better from that moment on. It sounds as if you qualify as a good mom, and I am sure that your children would agree.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s